Sunday, December 6, 2015

I don't want to write the blog I really should write

I should be expressing my feelings and emotions as to where I'm at in life and what's been going on.  Unfortunately I think that those words have to wait until what's done is done.  To be too truthful now would be an invasion of privacy to those involved.

Suffice to say, sending me good vibes and positivity right now would be much appreciated.

I can tell you how I'm trying to make a difference in my life and how I"m trying to better myself in order to be a better father, husband, partner and person.  Which is both part and parcel to the above topic.

This morning I weighed 258.0 pounds, or 117 kilograms, or 18.4 stone.  Thank you google.  I remain 5'10" though 11" on a good day in good shoes.  I turn 45 years old next month on the 16th, so as of today I've lived almost 16,500 days (do the math, Google did).  For over 10,000 of those days I was what you might call a "Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian".  Which means I ate eggs and dairy, but nothing that used to be alive.  Sometimes I'd do caviar, every now and then I'd have some sushi.

I was not a "good" vegetarian.  I never had a set diet.  I tried to make meals traditionally with a protein and vegetables.  But as Lisa Simpson said "vegetarian food is boring".  I really is.  My palate was so dulled that I was convinced that tofu was tasty.  It's not.  There's nothing WRONG with that, it's just not for me, anymore.  I loved tofu, I really did.  But the texture is wrong.  In the same way I don't like certain vegetables because of their textures (eggplant, squash and zucchini are my 3 least favorites) I could never really love Tofu because of it's texture, though I sure did give it a try.

Side Note - whenever you're in a funk, put on some Jazz.  Preferably good "dead guy" Jazz as I call it, John Coltrane, Thelenoius Monk, Art Blakey, Charlie Parker, Dave Brubeck (yes I know he's not dead).

Insert Dave Brubeck - Take Five Video Here

Soy meats are not the same as real meat.  They're close approximations, but they lack the umami and texture of real meat.  It took me 27 years to decide to go off the vegetarian diet.  When I decide to do something I stick to it.  No matter how stupid it is.

Was being a vegetarian stupid?  I didn't think so.  I never thought so.  Saving animals felt good, or at least not eating them did.  I have to say the compassion part was always what got to me.  I realize that I'm eating an animal that died so I can enjoy it.  So at least I should enjoy it right?  Besides I found out that pigs will eat humans given the opportunity.  There was that farmer who disappeared and they found his bones stripped of flesh in the pig sty.  No maybe a cow won't eat you.  Neither would a lamb.  But my diet was unhealthy.  And if I was going to change it needed to be in a direction that would be compatible with my family.  Being a vegetarian was just no longer compatible with my family.

At my heaviest that I can track, I was 282 lbs on 1-15-14.  That pretty much tracks, I wasn't doing a whole lot then, very sedentary.  At my last Doctor's visit I weighed 266.  I know though I was slightly heavier before that visit.

What else am I doing besides eating better?  I'm trying to hold up my end of the partnership.  Working my tail off at work, being the best CEO's Admin/Office Manager I can be.  I try very hard.  My boss might be in the office tomorrow after being gone for two weeks, and our office party is on Friday, so it's going to be a big week for me.  At the same time I'm trying to sell some of my less important toys and collectibles.  I've already taken about $2000 worth of merchandise to be put on consignment at Big Lous' toys and collectibles.  I had been meaning to get to the storage unit this weekend to get more items out, but I haven't felt good at all.  Also our daughter has been sick this weekend and one of us needed to be with her at all times.  Didn't want to take her to the storage unit and to Big Lous if she wasn't feeling good.

Speaking of which, here they are:
https://www.instagram.com/p/-2R4XULf-C/?taken-at=1020071
https://www.instagram.com/p/-2SuNQrf_b/?taken-at=1020071

I'm in therapy as well.  Every week for the time being.  It's covered under my insurance, and the co-pay is downright reasonable.  I need to make that premium I'm paying every two weeks work for me for a change.

At my last Doctor's visit I get a new anti-depressant to go with what I'm on already, and it's done wonders for my thinking and mood.  Though my emotions are a roller coaster at the moment, the fact that I've been able to continue to move forward has to have come from my new cocktail enhancing my already strong will.

Or something like that.



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